me me me

lolita picture

holden caulfield and yakisoba

just got back from the lie-berry. i got quite a stack of books. memoirs of a geisha, gothic lolita, catcher in the rye, so yesterday, guru guru pon-chan, princess tutu, and the absolutely true diary of a part time indian. im mostly looking forward to reading memoirs and catcher in the rye. angelo is reading catcher as well (i noticed it on top of his stack of books in science today) and figured id read it too, that way we could talk about something since it seems like there's nothing else to say anymore. i saw these college kids when i went to target to buy some yakisoba and granola bars. it was a guy and a girl just buying some groceries. suddenly i had this great vision of the future, when me and angelo can drive and are 20 years old and in art school in chicago together. we can be roommates and go out late shopping together and be like best friends who live together and are in love. sounds great... then we can get married and have the cutest little phillipino-american kids ever. i can't wait for the future. until then... i gotta pass science class :)

no sign of love behind the tears, cried for no one

i look really cute today! yay! and im going to a nerd-anime convention with angelo in august! should be fun! the other day, we had a band concert and afterward, we were putting up chairs and stuff, and he said an old piano teacher came to see him and her had to go see her "after everyone else left the room". how sweet? then, he waited until everyone left and kissed me. he said he loved me and we held hands until he got to his piano teacher. i know i talk about him all the time, and your probably wondering what he looks like.  i'll have a pic in a little bit. but here's me today:

told you i was cute! pete wentz face! lol!

black dress with the tights underneath, i got the breath of a last cigarette on my teeth

i'm failing life. contemplating running away from home. contemplating death. contemplating contemplation. it all just sucks. he's all i have left to hang on to. all i have is him and what little dignity i still have. i think hes gonna leave me too, soon. ah.. ill just forget it all. just sleep for a while. 

riding on the diamond waves, little darling one

argh. argh. argh. ally watson, bitch of the century, somehow found out a certain very big secret of angelos that i wont divulge, but lets just say, its BIG. im not sure how she found out, but she finds it cute, and is telling everyone about it. sucks for him, sure, but i ended up being dragged into it because she hates me, so she told him that im the one that told her this secret, which is totally untrue. im not going to lose him again. and no bitchy chick is gonna get in my way.

and you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking

well, i got him back. the other day in science, i totally fell apart. i was down. way down. downer than ive ever been. he said he didnt know what he was thinking when he went away and wanted to try again. i had been waiting so long to hear those words, but it was strangely hard to accept. im sure this time around will be better, since we both know what we did wrong. he felt like he had my life in his hands (which he did) and it was too heavy of a burden for him to carry. all i ask of him is that he talks every once and a while. i want to know what's on his mind. but yesterday, we were on the phone, and for the past 2 months or so it seems, our conversations ended with a stark goodbye. but this conversation ended with me saying goodbye, and him saying "i love you". i burst into tears of joy after he hung up. just what i wanted to hear.

i really am getting pretty effing tired of living here. i wish we were older, so we could drive off to chicago and start a new life there together, like he promised me we would someday. but this time, i know better than to believe him for sure. of course, that is, more than anything, what i want. to spend my life with him, in a city of art and culture. we probably couldnt get much farther than chicago anyways.