me me me

lolita picture

holden caulfield and yakisoba

just got back from the lie-berry. i got quite a stack of books. memoirs of a geisha, gothic lolita, catcher in the rye, so yesterday, guru guru pon-chan, princess tutu, and the absolutely true diary of a part time indian. im mostly looking forward to reading memoirs and catcher in the rye. angelo is reading catcher as well (i noticed it on top of his stack of books in science today) and figured id read it too, that way we could talk about something since it seems like there's nothing else to say anymore. i saw these college kids when i went to target to buy some yakisoba and granola bars. it was a guy and a girl just buying some groceries. suddenly i had this great vision of the future, when me and angelo can drive and are 20 years old and in art school in chicago together. we can be roommates and go out late shopping together and be like best friends who live together and are in love. sounds great... then we can get married and have the cutest little phillipino-american kids ever. i can't wait for the future. until then... i gotta pass science class :)

no sign of love behind the tears, cried for no one

i look really cute today! yay! and im going to a nerd-anime convention with angelo in august! should be fun! the other day, we had a band concert and afterward, we were putting up chairs and stuff, and he said an old piano teacher came to see him and her had to go see her "after everyone else left the room". how sweet? then, he waited until everyone left and kissed me. he said he loved me and we held hands until he got to his piano teacher. i know i talk about him all the time, and your probably wondering what he looks like.  i'll have a pic in a little bit. but here's me today:

told you i was cute! pete wentz face! lol!

black dress with the tights underneath, i got the breath of a last cigarette on my teeth

i'm failing life. contemplating running away from home. contemplating death. contemplating contemplation. it all just sucks. he's all i have left to hang on to. all i have is him and what little dignity i still have. i think hes gonna leave me too, soon. ah.. ill just forget it all. just sleep for a while. 

riding on the diamond waves, little darling one

argh. argh. argh. ally watson, bitch of the century, somehow found out a certain very big secret of angelos that i wont divulge, but lets just say, its BIG. im not sure how she found out, but she finds it cute, and is telling everyone about it. sucks for him, sure, but i ended up being dragged into it because she hates me, so she told him that im the one that told her this secret, which is totally untrue. im not going to lose him again. and no bitchy chick is gonna get in my way.

and you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking

well, i got him back. the other day in science, i totally fell apart. i was down. way down. downer than ive ever been. he said he didnt know what he was thinking when he went away and wanted to try again. i had been waiting so long to hear those words, but it was strangely hard to accept. im sure this time around will be better, since we both know what we did wrong. he felt like he had my life in his hands (which he did) and it was too heavy of a burden for him to carry. all i ask of him is that he talks every once and a while. i want to know what's on his mind. but yesterday, we were on the phone, and for the past 2 months or so it seems, our conversations ended with a stark goodbye. but this conversation ended with me saying goodbye, and him saying "i love you". i burst into tears of joy after he hung up. just what i wanted to hear.

i really am getting pretty effing tired of living here. i wish we were older, so we could drive off to chicago and start a new life there together, like he promised me we would someday. but this time, i know better than to believe him for sure. of course, that is, more than anything, what i want. to spend my life with him, in a city of art and culture. we probably couldnt get much farther than chicago anyways. 

where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself? and where will we all go when its too late?

ok my life is officially ruined. my parents found out about my grades and are now out to wreak havoc on my life. micro-management, no privileges, no nothing. i don;t do the work for school because of how distracted ive been with love, but they would scoff if i told them that, so i have no excuse at all. now i dont think that theyre going to let me go to the mall with lydia and angelo tomorrow even though they already said yes. im pissed. and i got new scars. hoo. rah.

i wanna hear you when you call, do you feel anything at all?

why is it that valentine's day seems to get worse with the passing years? this might be the worst valentine's ever. now i know that valentine's day is a hallmark holiday, but i won't preach anti-consumerism here, as i myself fall victim to marketing ploys. i don't buy things on valentine's day. i take it as a universal day of love. but as we all know, today happened to be friday the 13th. in science today, he told me he still loves me. like he used to. said he used to. but he won't go out with me. where in his mind does that make sense? i don't know. thats his favorite phrase, and about all that i can ever get out of him. i just wish he would read this blog so that he can hear what i can't say. so that he would know that i wish he payed attention to me. because i can't believe that he cares, because he doesn't act like he does. i wish he would take a chance. being honest takes courage. and i wish he would take risks for me, like i have for him. angelo, if you ever read this, know that i was crying while you typed on the computer, in your total oblivion. because you say that you love me, but if you really do, then start acting like it. love is an idea, not a object.

boredom is overtaking me and my hand is full of words

school has officially reached a new low. an all time low. hehe i like that band. anyways, we started "cpr" today, creating positive relationships, not mouth-to-mouth. basically, sex ed, with a different name. just like they call shop tech-ed and home ec consumer sciences or some other retarded thing. so cpr is a class where they tell you that sex is terrible and respect your elders and love doesn't exist unless you're a conformist picture of societies' lies and false fronts. basically, cpr stands for everything that i stand against. it'd be like me singing in church, like martin luther king jr being in the kkk, like george bush being sane. i absolutely hate it. i sit in the very back of the room with my feet up on the back of my prep-bud kendall's chair in my usual slackerly style. i then proceed to hold my binder in front of my face to stop myself from bursting out laughing at the teacher's complete oblivion. in my total bordeom, i worked on this beauty:

pretty sweet right? the phrases are upside down and faded from washing my hands after my hamster peed on it. made brownies for angelo as an apology for nothing, but maybe he would forgive me for the bad stuff that he did, whatever it takes, ya know? and he said he hates brownies! who hates brownies? crazy people, that's who.

long time no see and comp papers

sorry that i havent been on in a while! this would be due largely to the fact that, except for comp, history, and band, im pretty much flunking out of school. im a smart kid, dont get me wrong (my iq is near genius), but i just hate school. thats really it. but im trying to get on top of things, because i have to get a b or higher in my sem 2 grade for english in order to take french next year. and i really wanna take french, and it gets me out of a semester of gym and NO MORE COMP!!! hoorah! but i digress. i really posted this to put up the paper i wrote for comp, in which i have the meanest teacher in the school, hands down. mrs. prater. words cant even begin to describe her wrath. but i decided to go out on a limb, and write a paper about the imperfections of comp. so here it is in all it's glory.

So what about the writers?

Composition is a mandatory class that is required by law to be taken by all 7^th grade students, and I intend to use this opportunity to display my “smarts” to the best of my ability, but I can’t help but question the things that we are taught in composition class. Is challenging a teacher a good thing to do? I’m not sure but I’m a risk-taker, and considering that you barely know me, I haven’t really got much to lose. So I’ll make my feelings clear. I do not think that people can be taught to be “good writers”. Following 6+1, (although a generally good system) doesn’t make your writing necessarily good, but it usually makes it just like everyone else’s.

First, let’s talk conventions. I gladly adhere to most convention rules, like periods and capital letters. Where would we be without them? Well, our writing would probably look SOMETHINGLIKETHEANCIENTROMANS. That was hard to read wasn’t it? That’s why we have convention rules.  So that we can read things in a way that everyone can understand and read simply and easily. Conventions can be taught, and easily adhered to. Conventions are either wrong or right. No Questions asked. But others of the 6+1 traits are not so easily judged.

Voice. Definitely the most difficult to grade, read, understand, etc. of all writing traits. For the most part, this is due to the reason that writing is such a personal thing, (unless it’s expository of course). I’ve always thought that the way that I write is the way that I would talk if I had enough time. I always use “big words” when writing things, especially for teachers, because I’m not afraid of them calling me a “walking dictionary” like my friends would. (Sounds like a compliment, but I don’t take it that way.) I just realized that this is probably one of the strangest papers that I’ve ever written. Haha! What do you do about that? Spontaneous interjection of thought: should you take off for organization, or consider that good voice since being spontaneous is part of my personality? Are you beginning to see the faults in the system? I hope that you are.

Word choice is actually one of the simplest 6+1 writing traits to carry out “effectively” but gets on my nerves the most. One reason is that, just like “good writing” itself, word choice is occasionally just a matter of preference. Personally, I think that writing that is dotted with far too many extravagant words can sometimes just take from the nature of the writing. Fancy words and the kind of voice that one in particular would like to read, just can’t be shoved down kids’ throats. I use a lot of big words, because they naturally make sense to me. I’ve always had a big vocabulary, and I don’t jam big, fancy words in my writing just to please someone. But not everyone has a big vocabulary. Big words don’t come naturally to everyone. But it doesn’t mean that they’re bad writers.

One last thing I’d like to tackle, editing, revising, and pre-planning. The idea of these things absolutely causes me to cringe. For one thing, I don’t edit. I just don’t. Once I write something, it’s set in stone, and I won’t go back on it unless it was a conventional error. Pre-planning is my largest issue with writing, as writing just flows naturally with me, and frankly, it makes writing seem like a science, and not an art. I really lose a part of writing through pre-planning, and although it nearly killed me, (okay that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point) I forced myself to pre-plan this paper, because it was required. But I think the artful part of writing is somehow lost track of, even with all of that organization and planning.

Well hooray, you’ve nearly finished my rant on the imperfections of how writing is perceived in public schooling! But don’t misunderstand my intentions, I don’t mean to be a miser, just to bring my ideas forward, and maybe shake you up a little. I would put a smiley face here, but you would take points off for that.

poetry

we did a poetry unit in english class this year, which i was dreading. i always hate the forced "iambic pentameter", "meter", and "beat". but for the first time, my english teacher really understood poetry as an art form, not as figures and math, like the rest of the grown-ups. so for once, i really liked poetry. i would barely even write it in class, let alone on my own. but here is some i wrote today, on my own.

WHO CARES WHAT I WANT

i really don't like being sick.

i don't want to throw up

i don't want a racing heart

i don't want the caffeine overdose

EVER AGAIN.

i really don't like bleeding.

i don't want to see it run

i don't want to see the scars

i don't want the cold knife blade

EVER AGAIN.

i really don't like the silence inside

i don't want to keep it all bottled up

i don't want the happiness to be a facade

i don't want to pretend

EVER AGAIN.

i really don't like you.

i don't want you to touch me

i don't want to see her "prettier" face

i don't want your stupid lies

EVER AGAIN.

LIES? WHO CARES WHAT I WANT...

REACH-AROUND

You reach around

I'm not looking

You think.

Pull me in

And whisper

It'll be ok

In my ear.

I can't believe 

You're still 

Lying.

"It'll be ok"

"It'll be alright"

And what do

I have to say?

"If you please"

"Get offa me"

ANGELO (PANTS ON FIRE)

GUILTY PLEASURE

CUTIE

SWEETHEART

MINE

WONDERFUL

ODD

SUSPICIOUS

HIS OWN

SECRETIVE

WORSE

LIAR

LEAVE ME

RUNAWAY

PANTS ON FIRE

LIAR, LIAR

HERS

goodwill

i just got back from goodwill where i intended to buy a pair of shoes to convert to gothic lolita wear. but, 'tis not my fate. i actually ended up buying just about everything but gothic lolita makeover shoes. instead, i bought the original pretty pretty princesss from 1990, which is what i used to play when i was in pre-school. i also bought a vhs version of fiddler on te roof, which was in great condition and had a special features tape: 3 bucks. why not? and i also bought the french version of the little prince by antoine de saint-exupery. too bad i cant read it. but im learning french. i can say all my colors in masculine and feminine! that's good, right? red=rouge, blue= bleu, yellow=jaune, green=vert, purple=violette, orange=orange, white= blanche, brown=brune, black-noir. so those were'nt all masculine or feminine. i went with personal preference. 

anniversary of heath ledger's death, dance biscuits, coraline, and wonderland

yesterday was the anniversary of heath ledger's death. :'( he left a legend behind him with his final film, the dark knight, which is, in my opinion, one of the best films ever made. he played the villain, the joker, who is also one of my favorite roles in any movie. R.I.P heath. we'll always remember you.

second, my friend angelo told me to look up a video that was an snl skit with beyonce and justin timberlake in it. i did, and its hilarious. you should definitely see it. sorry about the french subtitles. were warmed up like biscuits! ya! dance biscuits! were the danssserss!

Justin Timberlake danse pour Beyonce - Vidéo humour

next topic, coraline. an amazing new film by the director of  the nightmare before christmas. it's a fantasy-horror stop motion movie about a young girl who discovers an alternate reality in her flat. it's based on the british book, which im gonna read soon. it come out on the 6th.

alice in wonderland, tim-burtonized. could it get any better? i IDOLIZE tim and his work, as well as helena's acting. the new movie has the usual tim burton crew of johnny depp as the mad hatter, helena bonham-carter as the red queen (duchess), but a new actress to the scene was cast as alice. mia wasikowska. she has a promising look, and i hope she does the movie justice.

cute little pictures

today kinda sucked. except for the inauguration, which rocked (GOBAMA!!!!) but anyways, ive been kinda down in the dumps lately, so i got some pictures that are pretty depressing, but oh well. c'est lavie.

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clean clean and more clean

today i have to take on a hideous task. cleaning. i have never been a fan of cleaning, and today i have to clean one of the messiest things in the house. the bathroom? no. the drainage pond? no. your yarn cabinet? yes. i got into knitting in about 4th grade and never stopped. theres something very relaxing and rewarding about knitting. then, this past year, i took up crochet. why? simply put, because its fast. crochet gives you fast, rewarding results. im still a much better knitter, but thats a knitter story for a knitter day. anyways, back to the disaster i call my yarn cabinet. i have a white cabinet in my room that i decided i would use to house my ever-growing yarn stash. the top shelf; yarn. the middle shelf; needles and books. the bottom shelf; assorted yarn-related knick-knacks. knick-knacks. knitting. knights. why not spell words the way you say them? i really want to meet the lunatic who started spelling nitting, knitting and thot, thought, but back to the topic at hand. well, the top middle bottom shelf method always starts off great, but soon gets turned into a midbottop method and everything is jumbled together soon before long. now it looks like an awful mess up yarn, needles, and books. even the bravest of brave wouldnt want to go exploring in there. i have absolutely no idea where to begin, and i have a lot of yarn that needs to be winded into balls, which will slow up the process. i also have school tomorrow, which i just love. not really. i wonder which is worse... school for a day, or cleaning my yarn closet... i will ponder this while you enjoy this artists representation of my yarn cabinet:

international grocery shopping

i went to a korean grocery store last night. it was small and interesting. i bought this morning glory writing set thing featuring babu, the bear/puppy/alien/other e.t. then i went to an indian grocery called namaste, which means hello in hindi, and bought some pav bhaji masala. it was pretty fun all things considered. i also saw an ad in the korean grocery for a place in the carmel arts distict that sells japanese-french style pastries. sounds awesome! i'll have to check it out. but for now, i've got to go imagine that i have a car.

claire belton

stumbled across this lady's site. she has some really cute work i thought. here is some of it.

pretty dolls

i have always had a thing for dolls and these dolls are really pretty. i hope they stay for a while!


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which one is your favorite?

yo

hey hey! nice seeing you here, on...my blog. my name is katie and i don't like capital letters. wastes too much time. im 13 years old and wish i was older. maybe things would be more fun. but thats ok. my life isnt super exciting, but sometimes its the boring things in day to day life that really make us who we are. like napoleon dynamite. its about absolutely nothing at all, and yet... everyone loves it. so everyone might not love my blog, im not napoleon dynamite, but maybe i can be your deb. and remember, libby loves the mostly.