well, i got him back. the other day in science, i totally fell apart. i was down. way down. downer than ive ever been. he said he didnt know what he was thinking when he went away and wanted to try again. i had been waiting so long to hear those words, but it was strangely hard to accept. im sure this time around will be better, since we both know what we did wrong. he felt like he had my life in his hands (which he did) and it was too heavy of a burden for him to carry. all i ask of him is that he talks every once and a while. i want to know what's on his mind. but yesterday, we were on the phone, and for the past 2 months or so it seems, our conversations ended with a stark goodbye. but this conversation ended with me saying goodbye, and him saying "i love you". i burst into tears of joy after he hung up. just what i wanted to hear.
i really am getting pretty effing tired of living here. i wish we were older, so we could drive off to chicago and start a new life there together, like he promised me we would someday. but this time, i know better than to believe him for sure. of course, that is, more than anything, what i want. to spend my life with him, in a city of art and culture. we probably couldnt get much farther than chicago anyways.